I Am the Ant Whisperer

April 11th, 2009

My parents have ants. My neighbors have them, too. I used to have a bad ant infestation, but not anymore. Ant traps and stomping did little more than frustrate me. When I lived in California, the ants were thick and omnipresent until I used ant chalk, a product I purchased for fifty cents in a Chinese grocery. I haven’t been able to find it here in Indiana, but I have read warnings online that it’s dangerous. Chalk is more dangerous than bug spray? Please…

My patience reached its limit one day last spring. The little pests were in the couch, and I had gotten bitten while sitting there. I could see them merrily parading through the kitchen, both bathrooms, and just about everywhere else. I didn’t want to use bug spray, but I didn’t know what else to do. So I tried diplomacy.

I went to a particularly robust line of them between the downstairs bathroom and the kitchen and crouched down for a better view “Hey, guys,” I said.

I know this sounds stupid. Worker ants are not guys, they are females.

“Guys,” I continued, “It isn’t safe for you here. You can’t stay. If you don’t go, I am going to have to use poisons and whatever else it takes to kill you, and I really, really don’t want to do that. Please go somewhere else. Please tell your friends and family not to come back here.” 

By morning they were gone. That was about a year ago, and in the ensuing months I have seen maybe two very sparse reappearances. Each time I reminded them of our agreement, and each time they honored it. I allow a small spider to hang out in the half-bath to snack on the occasional interlopers I don’t get to in time.

For obvious reasons, I have not told a lot of people this story until now. One doesn’t just go around admitting they’ve been talking to insects, especially when one anticipates a response. But it works. My son will readily attest to the effectiveness of my approach. Is it crazy to talk to bugs? Is it crazy to fill your house with a toxic fog? What if you had a choice? I did. 

I believe that everything is energy. I believe that everything has innate intelligence, all the way down to the subatomic level. I just appealed to that intelligence and life’s desire to perpetuate itself.

Escatoma Ant of Trinidad

Tags: Everything is Energy, Sacredness of Life
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